February 2012
me: hi i'd like to place an order
dominos: okay what can i get for you
me: uhm hold on, hey babe you wanted a large pepperoni right?
my empty apartment:
me: yeah we'll get a large pepperoni
if i was in a relationship i would get my bf to do really fucked up sexual stuff like shove his penis into the exhaust pipe of a car and i would take photos and if he ever did anything to piss me off i would be like stfu or those pictures of you penetrating that frozen turkey are gonna leak cunt
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Person: What happened to your arm?
Me: ...
Me: it was my cat.
Person:
Me:
Person:
Me:
Person: Your cat can spell 'worthless'?
mostgay:
I’m pretty sure swallowing your own cum is incest
unfreshing:
people come for the ass and stay for the sass
neneleakesweave:
reblog if your tabs are always like this! <3
unfreshing:
a six pack does not fix a busted ass mug
jasonfreese:
does anyone else have inside jokes with themselves because i know i do
homophobicorphan:
you know how when you ask for nudes and someone thinks they’re funny and submits a picture that isn’t a nude and it’s not funny and no one laughs but the person who sent it
aquus:
ugly people who are arrogant
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neneleakesweave:
keep or delete lms
